Sunday, November 28, 2010

Two Types of Friends -- Real & Simple

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Stupid Chinese Proverbs

  • Man who run in front of car get tired.

  • Man who run behind car get exhausted.

  • Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

  • Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

  • Man with one chopstick go hungry.

  • Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

  • Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
  • Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
  • War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
  • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
  • Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
  • It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
  • Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
  • Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
  • Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
  • Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
  • Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
  • Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Blonde Joke

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

All You Have To Do Is Read (;

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

This'll Make You Smile ;D

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Women

Be careful if you make a women cry because God counts her tears.
A women came out of the rib of man, not his feet to be walked on, nor his head to be superior over; she came from his side to be his companion, under his arm to be protected, and next to his heart to be be loved.”

Believe

Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all people gathered but one boy came with an umbrella. Thats FAITH!Example of the feeling of a one year old baby. When you throw him in the air, he laughs because he knows you will catch him. Thats TRUST!Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to... wake up alive the next morning but still we have plans for tomorrow. Thats HOPE!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Smile, Change A Life (:

A smile can change a life, if someone who is depressed sees you smile, just for that one second they'll remember why they shouldn't be sad and they'll smile right back at you. So stop being sad and smile :)

Epiphany

Sometimes, to see the beauty around us, we must first close our eyes.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Pain

A day to remember, never to forget.

The day you smiled at me the day we first met. 

You then held my hand and told me to never let go, 

hold it forever, like 90carat gold. 

But in time came problems, forgived not forgot. 

Till now remembering, the pain that love brought.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Forever

I miss your laugh and i miss your smile, what else i miss, only time will tell. A wish i may, a wish i might, wish to be beside you for just one night. To tell you i love you and give you a hug, and to pray that night lasts forever, just like our love ♥

If

If you were my girlfriend i'd write you a poem everyday, 

i'll give you a kiss and tell you your smile makes my day. 

If you were my girlfriend i'd be right there whenever you need me,

just to make you smile when your feeling uneasy. 

If you were my girlfriend i'd do stupid things just to make you smile,

i'd always be on ...time and never ask you to wait for a while. 

If you were my girlfriend, if la.

Epic Fail.

Newspaper: A religious man with four wives and eleven children was sentenced to ten years of jail for raping a fourteen year old girl. The girl claimed that he lured her into a room with a ten dollar bill. For The Win.

4 Wishes

If i had one wish i'd wish to always be beside you. 

If i had two wishes i'd wish for that and for you to always be happy. 

If i had three wishes, i'd wish for those and that i become your perfect guy. 

If i had four wishes, i'd say i couldn't ask for more ♥

A Promise

As time goes on, lives drift apart. Moving forward, looking for a place to start. Friends forgotten, lives changed. But no matter how long or how far, my love for you will forever remain ♥

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

When i met you

If i was a fish, you'd be the sea,

Forever with you, and you forever with me

Just the two of us, as happy as can be ♥

If i was a bird, you'd be my plane. 

I'd fly beside you and it'll never stay the same,

We'll soar through the skies, till the day we die.

Just cause i love you, the bond will never brake,

Never did i believe in everlasting love,

Till you held my hand ♥

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Love

I have heard it said
True love comes around only once in life…
I never believed that until I met you.
I now know what true love means,
For never have I loved someone
as I love you…

Because our love is eternal
There's nothing left to say,
Except to say this one last word.
I love you more each day

Father's Eyes

Bob Richards, the former pole-vault champion, shares a moving story about a skinny young boy who loved football with all his heart. Practice after practice, he eagerly gave everything he had. But being half the size of the other boys, he got absolutely nowhere. At all the games, this hopeful athlete sat on the bench and hardly ever played. This teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship.
Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game. This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there. He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior.
All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game but remained a bench-warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.
When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.
The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games. This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in a game.
It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent.
Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."
Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted is worst player in this close playoff game.
But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in. "All right," he said. "You can go in." Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked, and tackled like a star.
His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you never heard.
Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that this young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, "Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?"
He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it!"

Husband Shopping Centre

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day!

The Letter

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..
1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."
So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers) So..Please try reading it again! <3

Why is this guy on youtube and Justin Bieber on stage? =/

Nothing but Amazing.

Empty

Too kind to lead, too uncaring to follow. My heart is bleeding and insides are hollow, nothing without you, just full of sorrow ♥

Far

Though we are miles apart, you'll always be in my heart. Eventhough i'll see you never, i'll love you far longer than forever. The reason i live and the reason i die, you'll never know if you never try. Before you learn to take flight, you must first learn to run, So try new things and start to have fun ♥

Lalalalala

My lips on yours, Your hands in mine, Lets take it slowly, A step at a time. True love cannot be rushed, as it's so fragile. One wrong move, Could tear it apart, and breaking that love means breaking a heart ♥

Monday, September 20, 2010

1st Post (=

Starts with a handshake and ends with a hug, so glad to have met you, sent from above. My guardian angel in disguise. My best friend forever, a never ending tie. Now i wish you good night, but never will i say good bye ♥